Mr Perfect

The chatters
BILLY - played by me, the coach, who (as her girlfriend and several ticket-writing officers can attest to) does not have a flirtatious bone in her body. She identifies as gender queer.

INLOVEWITHMRPERFECT - a former player of Billy's who attempts to chat with her constantly even though I she is no longer the girl's coach. Billy has blocked her numerous screen names time and time again. She is age 13 and identifies as female.

The setting
This scene takes place in cyberspace, a chat room. Your bodacious blogger buddy, me, Billy, hereafter referred to as Billy, is peacefully telecommuting while back in her home town in Binghamton, New York. This also happens to be the home town of Rod Serling, creator of . . .

The Twilight Zone

. . . She is helping her mother recover from spinal surgery. She is sitting in on the living room couch of the house she lived in while coaching division one soccer for Binghamton University and, simultaneously, coaching the most successful girls youth team in over a decade from New York West. Her former player, Inlovewithmrperfect, is at an unknown location. She was on that very successful youth team that was invited to join one of the most prestigious leagues in the country thanks, in part, to the coaching of yours truly. There is a snow storm. 1,000s of homes across the North East US are without power. It is mid April . . .

11:14 AM Today
inlovewithmrperfect: Hello?
Billy: yes?
inlovewithmrperfect: Do you remeber me?
Billy: depends on who this is
inlovewithmrperfect: This is [Kid's Name] from [Kid's Hometown], New York, You coached the [Kid's Team] ... I was on it!
Billy: yup i remember
inlovewithmrperfect: What happened to you?
Billy: long story, bud
inlovewithmrperfect: Why don't you coach us anymore?
Billy: you'll have to talk to your parents and jeff (club director)about that
inlovewithmrperfect: Were you fired?
Billy: nope
inlovewithmrperfect: Did you quit?
Billy: not exactly
inlovewithmrperfect: Oh, okay I wont ask anymore questions about that!
Billy: no prob, i just don't know where the discussion is at
inlovewithmrperfect: Do you still live in Binghamton?


11:20 AM
Billy: nope, i live in kansas city, but i am in binghamton sometimes to see my mom
inlovewithmrperfect: Why'd you move back?
Billy: because i needed a job and my old boss offered me a promotion
inlovewithmrperfect: Oh, cool
Billy: yup, it is a really neat job, actually
Billy: i design all kinds of neat stuff, virtual reality tours, television commercials, etc for [my place of employment]
Billy: anyhow, i have some lunch ready, hope school and soccer are going well
Billy: hope you are still writing
inlovewithmrperfect: Were not in Upstate Premier anymore
inlovewithmrperfect: Were in Region One. We are doing alright
Billy: nice job
inlovewithmrperfect: Yea
inlovewithmrperfect: One quick question
inlovewithmrperfect: Not to offend you or anything but why didnt you ever tell us?
Billy: tell you?

11:25 AM
Billy: that i was leaving?
inlovewithmrperfect: No. I dont want to be offencive to you
inlovewithmrperfect: So I dont know how to explain it
Billy: tell you what then?
inlovewithmrperfect: Dont take this offencivily
inlovewithmrperfect: Why didnt you tell us you were interested in the same sex?
Billy: i thought we talked about saying "no offense too much"
Billy: well i dont think who i date has anything to do with soccer, do you?
Billy: if you all asked jeff about who he dates, i am sure he would say it is none of your business
Billy: its not because he doesnt like you guys, it just is personal
inlovewithmrperfect: No, but I do think thats why most of the girls were shy towards you. If you would've come out and said listen ladies I am not hitting on you or trying to scare you but I have an interest in the same sex
Billy: same thing with danielle
inlovewithmrperfect: Danielle would talk about her boyfriend all the time (PS this is patently untrue, She made it up)
inlovewithmrperfect: We had a connection with her and she trusted us.
Billy: well, i think that expecting one person to act different because they date different people is unfair
inlovewithmrperfect: NOOO
Billy: and the reason most coaches dont talk about their relationships is because it has nothing to do with practice
inlovewithmrperfect: I am not saying that we were to act differently toward you but we would've felt more comfertable

11:30 AM
Billy: and especially for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer people - they can be discrimminated against if they do say things about their personal lives
Billy: especially to young people
inlovewithmrperfect: We were all afarid to talk to you or get near you becase we had all come up with the asumption that you did like the same sex and we were all SCARED, because you didnt talk to us about it.
inlovewithmrperfect: Remeber the night in the Hotel you had asked for a meeting in your room with no parents allowed? We were all afarid to come in without a parent.
Billy: because?
Billy: because you thought i was gay you were scared to be alone with me?
inlovewithmrperfect: Yes.
Billy: why?
inlovewithmrperfect: I dont know. We were just scared because we did not feel comfertable with you because you had never told us the truth.
Billy: well, kell, i guess my point is that it didn't matter to me who you guys dated, what religion you followed, whether you liked blue better than red, you were my team and i cared about you

11:35 AM
Billy: you are going to have a lot of coaches who are different from you and your parents, that doesnt mean they arent good coaches
Billy: and you can learn a lot by knowing them
inlovewithmrperfect: We cared about you too its just we could never get close to you or interact with you because none of us felt comfertable around you
Billy: but that wasn't my fault, that was just your own ideas and fears
Billy: unfortunately you have to work those things out for yourselves
inlovewithmrperfect: Wait a minute, I am not saying your a bad person. NOT AT ALL am I saying that its just that we would have felt more comfertable with knowing that our coach was interested in the same sex
Billy: do you know whether jeff likes girls or boys

11:40 AM
Billy: i have a feeling, what made things hard you guys is that the parents were talking about it and maybe even that someone might have told you guys some untrue things at one time or another, like that gay people like to date kids, which is a horrible lie, and that you weren't sure what to think. there are some parents who told me point blank that they didnt approve of my lifestyle. there are some parents who would have pulled their players from that team if I had said one word about being gay. and that would have hurt everyone. and i didnt want to make your season about me. but i will tell you that there are a lot of gay players and a lot of gay coaches and i am willing to bet that it is okay to be close to all of them, no one is trying to hurt you or convince you to think or feel anything that isnt right for you as a person.
Billy: does that help?

11:45 AM
inlovewithmrperfect: Not really
Billy: hehe, it is a tricky thing
inlovewithmrperfect: No but why couldnt you have said that to us durring the season?
Billy: i wasnt allowed to, buddy
Billy: i also wasnt allowed to have a team meeting with you after the season
Billy: and i have been coaching soccer for over 10 years, it was never an issue before
Billy: most of the parents I coached in Kansas had no issue with it
Billy: they had no issue with my haircut
inlovewithmrperfect: And the whole new strech thing where you grabbed Jill and told her to lay on her back and give you her leg and you started rubbing it, that was deffinatly creepy to most of the girls, and none of the parents had an effect on what you didnt feel comfertable saying to us. Why didnt you say it? It seems like you felt uncomfertable being that was as we were as uncomfertable of knowing that you were that way.

11:50 AM
Billy: hun, it was a stretch
Billy: it isnt a gay stetch
Billy: it is a real stretch all kinds of people do
inlovewithmrperfect: It was one of the things that made us come up with the conclusion we did
Billy: if i said "im gay and i want you to do this stretch, do you think it would make it any different"
Billy: well, you know, you could have just asked, if you really wanted to know
inlovewithmrperfect: We didnt want to offend you. But we sorta did. Did you feel that we were talking about you behind your back about you being gay?
Billy: well i remember being 13 and 14 and not really understanding gay stuff and feeling very confused and awkward, and I knew it was something you guys were struggling with, but I didnt want to tell you what to think or how to feel

11:55 AM
inlovewithmrperfect: Well we did do alot of talking behind your back and I feel bad for it but we couldnt just talk about our coach being gay out loud
Billy: sure you could
Billy: there is nothing wrong with talking about gay stuff
inlovewithmrperfect: But there is if your not gay
Billy: why?
Billy: hetero people talk about gay stuff all the time, gay people talk about hetero stuff, it is okay to talk about, it is better to talk about it then to worry about it
Billy: that is why i strongly suggested you talk to your parents
Billy: because they will be able to give you good information
Billy: and they wont assume that you are gay just because you ask
inlovewithmrperfect: Well no offence but I am a VERY big homaphobe and I have nothing against what you believe in or what you do just leave me out of it. Thats how I feel

12:00 PM
Billy: well, that much has been obvious for most of this conversation, bud
inlovewithmrperfect: Now that we have Rich as a coach we talk about how stupid the I believe in you thing was and we dont do it we believe in each other and we show it by trusting in ones ability to handle the ball
inlovewithmrperfect: Sorry
Billy: and I tried very hard to keep it from being an issue, but you really wanted to know, and changed your screen name in order to ask, so now you know
Billy: well, you dont have to like everything a coach asks you to do, the important thing is to try it
Billy: some people did like it, and needed to hear it
inlovewithmrperfect: No I changed my screen name because I found this guy that I love with all my heart and he loves me too so thats what my screen name says. In Love W/ Mr.Perfect!!
Billy: well, rich is a good coach, i'm sure you'll do great with him
inlovewithmrperfect: Hes AWESOME and we all love him hes like another father to us all

12:05 PM
Billy: kell, what i want to know is why, if you are suck a homophobe, it was important to talk to me about coming out to the team? i am way older than you guys, i never flirted with any of you, i am really disgusted by the idea that you think i enjoyed touching someone's legs . . . why are you writing to me? have you asked yourself?
inlovewithmrperfect: if you are suck a homophobe???
Billy: such
Billy: typo
Billy: like, do you hate gay people that much that you just have to know what everyone you meet is doing when they arent at soccer
Billy: because that is just sad
inlovewithmrperfect: I have. I am really disgusted that you wouldnt tell us the truth.
Billy: i feel bad for you
Billy: do you know that 1/10 people are gay?
Billy: that means some of your teachers are gay
inlovewithmrperfect: I am also disgusted that you think that I am trying to target you and be mean to you. I dont have any bad thought about you. I understand that it was your choice
Billy: someone in your family is probably gay
inlovewithmrperfect: NONE of my teachers are gay you can tell if someones gay.
Billy: 1/10 people you pass on the street are gay
Billy: no, you cant
inlovewithmrperfect: Yes you can.
Billy: you can tell that i am gender-nonconforming, that is different from gay
Billy: many famous women's soccer players are gay
inlovewithmrperfect: i am gender-nonconforming?? You are??
Billy: including abby waumbach, one of the premier athletes in the world
Billy: well i have a shaved head

12:10 PM
inlovewithmrperfect: You can tell your gay just by the way you acted towards us. By the way you took it when Laura told you this BULLSHIT story that I called her gay.
Billy: listen, you just told me you are a homophobe, that you think it is disgusting, but you arent being mean to me, you have repeated every silly stereotype out there about gay people, you really need to talk to a teacher or your parents because, truthfully a lot of the things you just said are sexist
inlovewithmrperfect: I would NEVER disriminate a gay, lesbian, by-sexual, etc thats wrong and I was raised better its just sad that you dont realize that not everyones out to get you. Not everyone thinks gays a bad and they should all die. I am one of the few that dont think you should die because everyone has a reason to live no matter what they do differently
inlovewithmrperfect: What did I say thats sexist?

12:15 PM
inlovewithmrperfect: Thats sad that you think that everyones out to get you and that I am being more mature than you about this situation
Billy: kelli, i sat in an office with jeff and paul and listened to them say that they were thinking of dismissing me because your parents had issues with the fact that i identify as a gender-noncomforming (which, btw is illegal and i have reported this to their bosses), i get stopped by security guards when i walk out of women's bathrooms, people dont let their kids play with me, people say horrible things to me as i walk down the street, i hear people make fun of 'fags, homos, queers" etc all day long, some of my friends have been beat up, many many people have been killed in this country, this year for being gay, people dont hire me because i dont look like a sexy girl
Billy: i challenge you to go through a day with a note book and write down how many times you hear people say bad things about gays or how many times they use the word gay to mean something bad
inlovewithmrperfect: I do EVERYDAY. But that mam is not directed towards you at all
Billy: well, kell, it is
Billy: it is directed at straight people too

12:20 PM
Billy: it is a warning that you better fit in, or else
Billy: and it is wrong
Billy: it is just like when white people use the n-word
inlovewithmrperfect: You better sit there and listen to this miss.
inlovewithmrperfect: I dont give a damn about what people think about me. It makes me very angry when people think I do care.
inlovewithmrperfect: I DONT
Billy: that is fine, and trust me i know that not everyone is out to get me, that doesnt mean that the things you said werent sexist, and it also doesnt mean that it is untrue when I say some people are out to get me
inlovewithmrperfect: If you care what people think your screwed up because you know what, there just thought and no one is perfect everyone has flaws your gay I cant read well my boyfriend cant say his L's my uncle has a lisp some of my friends have mental issues and cut. THATS WHO THEY ARE. Dont change something thats not broken.
inlovewithmrperfect: NO wait please tell me some of the things I have said that are sexist?
Billy: i have to care what people think about me, kelli, i need a job, i like to coach soccer, which means parents have to trust me, etc
Billy: ex: i didnt want to get close to you because i thought you were gay, we didnt want to be in your hotel room, etc
inlovewithmrperfect: If they dont like you screw them, you need to accecpt the fact that you are who you are and, no one should change you.
Billy: no duh, kiddo
Billy: i have totally done that
inlovewithmrperfect: Thats not being sexist its being scared because you dont have the courage to come out and say that you are infact a lesbian

12:25 PM
Billy: first, i am not a lesbian
Billy: second, i have all the courage in the world, i am a gay activist for chrissakes
inlovewithmrperfect: someotherchatter: lol yeah there are way to many queers and lesbos here (thats someones view)
inlovewithmrperfect: you cant change how people think
Billy: that means my name and my face are in the gay world
Billy: i know that, and all i was trying to do was coach soccer
Billy: i wasnt trying to change what you guys thought
inlovewithmrperfect: If you have courage then why didnt you tell us? Did you not have pride in what you are?
Billy: again, i wasnt trying to change what you guys thought
Billy: i was just trying to coach soccer
Billy: i only talked to you about gay stuff when things were out of line or you asked me a direct question
Billy: and honestly, my personal life is none of your business
Billy: it shouldnt matter who i date
inlovewithmrperfect: Coach soccer in the closet? No pun intended
Billy: i was never in the closet, it isnt my job to tell you what to think
inlovewithmrperfect: It doesnt but it did have a great effect on the girls you coach...
Billy: why? does it matter to you who rich sleeps with?
inlovewithmrperfect: He has a WIFE

12:30 PM
Billy: i think it bothered you guys that i didnt look like a girl, or your idea of what a girl should look like
Billy: how do you know i dont have a wife
inlovewithmrperfect: You prolly do...
Billy: so, what is the real issue
inlovewithmrperfect: no one cares tho, thats your lifestyle and no one is asking you to change your lifestyle
inlovewithmrperfect: Do you?
Billy: it obviously matters to you, it affects the way you think about me, which affects the way you felt about me being your coach, which is why i do have to care what people think
Billy: it is none of your business
Billy: and it has nothing to do with how well i coach
inlovewithmrperfect: You did flirt with us.. sorry to state the facts but it is true (Patently untrue as well)
Billy: no, i didnt flirt with you
inlovewithmrperfect: Not with ME, but some girls on the team
Billy: no, i didnt flirt with any of the girls on the team
inlovewithmrperfect: Yes
Billy: see, this is what i mean by sexist, kiddo

12:35 PM
inlovewithmrperfect: I may be but the question I ask you is WHY? Why didnt you tell us?
Billy: I already told you that. Some day you might understand. Save this conversation and reread it. But, we're done, I don't need to repeat myself constantly. You obviously just want to say inflammatory things, good luck to you, i hope the team does well, but i don't ever want to talk to you again
inlovewithmrperfect: Are you serious?
inlovewithmrperfect: How much more immature could you get? Your how old 33 and you act 3 (she was way off on my age, btw)
Billy: Well, game knows game, grandpa.
inlovewithmrperfect: Well Billy I didnt mean to say offending things but remeber you told me Billy: i thought we talked about saying "no offense too much"

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Key Questions for parents or educators:

Q:What do you think the player's motives are for asking questions? Is it possible she, herself, is worried she is gay?

Q:What are some of the indicators that the player was not alone and was fielding questions from others?

Q:Has this player's parents done a good job in talking to her about gender and sexuality?

Q:Does the coach ever reveal her own sexual preferences? Practices? Beliefs?

Q:At what point does the coach get to stop following the general rules of thumb about coaching and start stating her beliefs?

Q:How would you handle the immediate phone call, as a parent, that went to this player's mom after the chat session?

Q:At what point would you have blocked this player for the tenth or so time?